you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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