make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
