it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
