why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
