UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
