I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
