I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
