bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We need a shit load of segways right now
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
