you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
