well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Randomize
