he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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