Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
