Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize