she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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