She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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