What a fucking waste of an outfit
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
