I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
