he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
