Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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