I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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