i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't turn off my feet"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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