yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
