11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
