I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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