Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
