My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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