Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
