I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
