there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
