I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize