Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
