there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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