After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
