She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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