The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
