if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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