woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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