When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
