i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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