I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
