Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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