went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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