R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
