i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
