Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
