just come out here and I will go home with you...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
