I swear she didn't look like that last week.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize