Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
