I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
