You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
