The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
