Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
