Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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