I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
