Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
