Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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