What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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