Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Houston, we have a blender
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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