life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
