I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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