It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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